TIP 8 Couples need to mind those arguments and niggle points!
Lockdown is tough on everyone in different ways.Some have no company and feel alone. Others feel smothered without personal space. This often leads to irritability and arguments.
It’s more important than ever that these arguments stay positive- it’s an exchange of views, not a battle for who is “right”.
This can help…
- Focus only on the present issue. Do not bring up the past.
- Speak first about what is going well in your relationship- say something nice.
- Raise the issue, but from the perspective of how it feels for you. State its impact on you and why you are asking for things to change.
- Listen to your partner’s point of view. Try to focus on understanding him/ her, rather than criticising. Frequently, couples get stuck right here, and forget to make suggestions or plans for how to improve the situation- getting stuck in the trenches so to speak.
- De-focus from who is rich or wrong
- Suggest how you might go forward. Look for small changes first and see how that works.
- Agree to review- you can then see the benefit of working on an agreed plan.
Disagreements managed this way do not become destructive but stay focused on finding solutions to the issue in hand. Arguments can be a point of growth, but not if they’re warlike.
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